『リトルバスターズ!』発売に寄せて (余談編)

 

 その日、『リトルバスターズ!』の発売の日、西暦2007年の7月27日、自分は大須の大手量販店の前に立っていた。販促用の限定ポスターを手に入れておこうかと、ふと思いついたからだった。
 いいゲームだということはわかっている。別に、あせって内容を確かめようとはまったく思っていない。ただ、麻枝准という人の「今」の状況は、長く氏の作品を追っている立場上、一応知っておきたいと、願っただけだったのだ。実は、当日レコード屋でポスターを見るまでは発売をすっかり忘れていた、なんてことは一応伏せておきたい。
 本来ならこれだけメジャーな会社のタイトルなのだから、当然特設コーナーに山積みになっているに違いない・・・店舗に入ったとたん、どかーんと来るに違いない・・・と、ある程度予測してのれんをくぐった自分なのだが、あろうことか、フロアを一周しても見つからない。待て待て、そんな馬鹿な?? と、もう一度歩き回ると壁際の「新作ゲーム」のコーナーに同じ箱が六個並んでいた。六個。それだけだ。何かおまけがつくとも、初日ポスターがつくとも書いてない。唯一、記念テレカ付と書いてあるパッケージのほうが1000円高いという、手にとって値札をじっくり確かめねばわからぬような、それだけの出来事だった(間違って高いほう買ってしまう可能性があるからやめてほしい)。ある程度の「祭り」を期待していた自分としては、あまりにも拍子抜けするような初日ディスプレイで、今やこんなものなのか? という時代の変遷をじっくっりとかみ締めずにはいられなかった。かつてはカウントダウンでおたく店舗の立つ大地を揺るがし、小規模な販売店では午後一になると品物本体すら拝むことができなかった(ような気もする)、そして発売翌日から早くも個人用レンタルケースでプレミア販売されているというような(ことが確かあったかもな)、KEYという一大メジャーブランドの、それがまぎれもない「現在」なのだ。まずは、誰しもが最初の予告発売日には絶対出ないと予想していたんじゃないか、その一心のファンの期待を裏切って、間違ってあろうことこか本当に予定通りに発売してしまった・・・うっかりとはいえ、そのことを販売側は深く悔やむべきだろう。もう一度思い出してみてほしい。「KEY」とは、あまた存在するソフトハウスの中で、唯一、発売日に発売されないことで待つ人の心をよりいっそう盛り上げる背反的な製作会社なのだ。そうだ、それでこそわれらのインモラル=「KEY」なのだ。その到達点、世界の極みこそが、まさしく鍵なのだ。今回ばかりはとくと、ゆるゆるスケジュールを管理した大人の事情のある自称大人たちや、その他もろもろの事情を支配する人たちは、反省すべきだろう。まずは一言。「予約者のことはとりあえず無視しろ。どうせおまけグッズの転売が目的だ!」<殺されますよ。
 ともあれ、『リトルバスターズ!』は出た。出てしまった。レジに持っていったら、「ポスターいりますか?」と聞かれた。「聞くか!?てめーこの日に、ふつう」。心の中で大人気ないつっこみを入れながら、自分は逆に、あまりどうでもいいようなふりを装いつつ間髪入れずに「はいー」と応えた(どっちなんだ)。そのときの、店員の、あのひょうたんみたいな顔のきゃつの、残念そうな「ちぃーしまったぁぁぁ」という顔は忘れない。世の中のゲームコーナーの大人なんてものは、せいぜいそんなものなのだ。ちなみにポスター開いてみた感想は「こまりがちいさいな・・」。
 ところで、初日限定ぽすたーの配布が終わった余りはいったいどこに消えていくのでせう。知ってる人いたら教えてください。
  @空と海の境界A生まれる前の宇宙雲BこまりのおやつCバスと一緒に燃やす

 ぜんぜん作品内容に入れない。まぁいいか。
 そんなわけで、ひととおりプレイした感想を書こう。
 というか、気になるポイントだが。
 修学旅行のバスは普通(というか、まず十万台中99999台は)、ディーゼルエンジンだ。
 軽油の引火点は60度。それより低い灯油ですら、マッチ放り込んだって爆発なんかしない。それなのに、あの大爆発だ(修学旅行バッドエンド)。
 恭介よ、お前の背負っている液体は、なぜガソリンなのか? ガソリン臭がするといっているが、本当にガソリンなのか? なぜそんな危険物が修学旅行のバスに載せられているのか? 
 答えは、恭介、お前だ。お前がみんなをどかんといわせようとバスに持ち込んだのだ。そもそも受験生が、一年下の連中の修学旅行にもぐりこんでいいのか? というかどこにもぐりこんでいたんだ? というか。エンジンルームにガソリンタンク持ち込むなよ!! いや、エンジンルームにもぐりこんでお前は、それで平気なのか!? 幸せな修学旅行(二度目の)といえるのか。隠れてバスに乗り込んで、熱い思いをして、何の意味が・・・目的はこまりか?
 というわけで、いろいろ考えてみたが、恭介が事件の元凶としか思えない。それなのに、かっこいいとこ独り占めしてあなたはこれから腐った女子の妄想でぶいぶい言わせるのですとも。ああ、そうですとも。この世界は棗恭介、お前の思い通りにあるのだ。それが世間の言うメタテキスト『リトルバスターズ!』なのだ。これから「KEY」同人誌買うときは気をつけないとなぁ。地雷踏むなぁ。

(続きます)

 

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